Loss and Gain
by Andrea Weiling
Summary: Matt comes to New York to visit Tai, and tells him that he wants to stay in the DigiWorld permanently. But it seems that several months later, Matt has disappeared, and Gabumon has died at Cody's. What has happened in the DigiWorld? Is Matt still alive
1. Taichi

Chapter 1: Taichi  
  
The day had begun. For me, at least. There were people who's day had started early in the morning at 4:00 AM making donuts, and there were some who didn't have to wake up until 10 or 12, and still be considered early. The millionaires, I mean. But for the unfortunate ones, the unlucky ones, the ones who come home every night and find that there's no one there to welcome them back to the haven where they can be themselves, we just work. It's the only thing that keeps even more unpleasant thoughts from our heads, to go down those dark alleys of Memory Lane, and cherish those moments that just want to make you break down and cry, and push away those which make you gasp and run into a little corner of your mind, wondering how you could've survived after so many pains had been inflicted upon you.  
I could feel it even before I opened my eyes. At first I thought it might just be a dream I had the night before, but even after I opened my eyes, it was there. Something was going to happen. Soon. I didn't know what it was yet, but I had a feeling, that sickening nauseous feeling, that I didn't want to know what was up and in store for me this day, the fateful day. The day that shook me to the roots of my soul, the day that blackened part of this cheerful spirit that I had been and was no more. It was that feeling that something was going to happen, to someone very close to your heart.  
I opened my eyes, only to be berated by the blazing sun that hit me straight in the face. I winced, and through my almost shut mouth there came a tiny moan of fatigue, and it complained fully of tiredness. I couldn't do anything but just lie there for a moment, totally worn out from the bought of work from yesterday. I mentally reminded myself that the weekend was still 3 days away. I couldn't prevent myself from glancing at the alarm clock. While I expected it to be already past 7, I found, to my surprise that the alarm wasn't supposed to go off yet. Not for a whole hour. Which let me 2 choices: get up, and rattle around the house for nothing, or go back to sleep. The latter seemed impossible at the time, so I heaved myself upright out of the bed, shifting the balanced weight to the middle of the bed. The object under me gave a protesting squeak of annoyance as I rubbed the sleep from my eyes. To spare the bed any more complaints, I lifted myself heavily from the bed and found my way to the little bathroom on the side, half-walking, half-stumbling.   
The mirror in front of me showed an extremely messy-looking guy with straight-up-in-the-air hair that arrowed up towards the sky, except for one stubborn bang that hung from the rest onto the middle of my forehead. I looked at it now, and taking a breath I blew upwards. It fluttered a few inches weakly from my forehead, then gave a little shudder and fell back onto my forehead. I glared at it. But now was not the time to be concerned about it. I splashed my face with freezing cold water from the right hand tap, then shook my face both ways quickly, like a dog. After that I groped for the towel, found my accuracy was correct, and rubbed my face vigorously with the soft cloth. Now that I was a little more awake, I walked over to the chair by the table, only stumbling once. The pristine shirt sparkled a little off of the sun, and today even the coat and pants looked cheery. Not that brown is a cheery color or anything, just that it looked comforting today. Very strangely comforting, as if I knew that I would have to go to the execution block this afternoon and this would be the last time I would see it. A sense of foreboding...just something like that. 6th sense. And with that, I picked up my coat and laptop from the side of the tiny kitchen table, and sling the coat over my right shoulder, walking out the door. The lock from outside clicks in place as I turn the bronze key.  
That morning was cold. Not just a bit cold, but very cold. I shrugged, and just wrapped the coat tighter around me, an answer to the whatever force of nature put the cold out on the streets of New York City. The snow had been hastily cleaned out of the sidewalk and piled on the sides of the sidewalks; one less chore to do that evening. I walked out of the threshold from the apartment complex, and started toward the little café where I went to eat every day, at least until the "CLOSED" sign on the door could actually be proven. Frankly, the café was always crowded, but I found that I could always find my favorite seat empty, as if all the other customer's never wanted to sit there. It was the seat by the window, on the counter, facing the dreary snowflakes that fluttered lightly down outside. Today, however, was different. The seat was occupied, by a somehow familiar mop of golden hair. The person was staring out the window, not paying attention to me. His back was turned, and somehow I knew that somewhere along the road I had met that person before. The same waitress that served me every morning smiled wanly at me, seeing that my regular seat had been taken, but she pointed to the vacant seat beside the golden-haloed seat-taker. "That OK?" she asked me, her eyes smiling and her hand gesturing at the empty seat. I nodded, grudgingly, and followed her. After I had sat down, I turned around on the swirly stool, and ordered a cup of coffee and a pastry.   
The sky was dreary that day. The tall skyscrapers seemed so majestic, so ominous, so unnatural there, compared to the relatively small apartment complexes underneath, dwarfed by their betters. The snow floated down in little flakes, and I couldn't resist, and breathed on the windowpane, then, like the mystical Jack Frost of American folktales, drew a smiley face on the window. I stared back at me, happily, as the window shoppers that clustered by outside paid no mind, and gave my lines an ever-changing myriad of colors. Then, as if I had the premonition, I felt myself being watched...  
...By the man sitting next to me. I gasped, and almost fell off my stool, bumping into the waitress lady who had my order. She stumbled back as I literally fell out of the chair and onto the floor, my dark green impermeable and scarf billowed on the floor. The waitress put the tray on the counter, and gently guided me up. I shook at the sight of the ocean deep cobalt eyes, and the fair hair that sloped pleasingly over one eye, the pale skin of his face, boyishly round with a depth of maturity, the stature of his height, the lithe build of his body, his blue coat and white scarf with blue tassels, hanging casually around his neck, matching and enhancing the color of his eyes.  
He just stared back for a moment, then put down his cup and knelt to help the waitress to help me up. I could feel myself being gently set into the chair, but my eyes never left his. In turn, his never left mine, either. We seemed to have a staring contest while the waitress hastily looked at the 2 of us having a staring contest, asking, "Would either of you like to have anything else?" and getting no reply. All my concentration was riveted on the boy that had turned into a man while I wasn't looking.   
This familiar nodded to the waitress, dismissing her, and turned back to me. His voice sang and echoed musically in my mind, hollowing out the memories of long past times of my days in the Digital World. He gave a nod to show he was paying attention to me, and said quite firmly, "Good morning, Tai."  
My mind whirled before mine, and I remembered all that had happened: the Digimon, the scene of the Arrows of Dark and Light, the fight he and I had, the harmonica...all came back to me as if they had happened yesterday. Slowly, I found my voice enough to answer, "What'cha doin' here, Matt?"  
Blunt question, I chided myself inside. Matt is probably feeling up to wrestling, and is going to pounce on you any moment...Tai no baka! He probably just thinks that this stupid so-called "Friendship" thing is over, and everything that makes up my life will just disappear in front of my very eyes-  
His low alto caught me off guard again, just as if had before. "Tai", he started, and reached for my shoulder. It was if the whole world was no longer there, and there was just he and I, his hand on my shoulder. Then the tension that leapt in the air between us was gone, as if never there, as his smile quirked the miniscule gesture of a smile. It broke me out of my trance, and I reveled in the momentary respite of his smile, something seldom any of our team saw, maybe with the exception of Takeru.  
It made me realize how much I'd been submerged in my work, with no pauses, just the same routine of everyday working life. Come say, how long had it been since I had taken a decent vacation back to Tokyo? Sure, New York was my home, but that didn't mean that I wasn't from Tokyo...  
I said the first thing that came after my first comment: "I've missed you guys."  
Matt looked surprised for a moment, just the slight widening of those oh-so-electrifying eyes that seemed to x-ray you on the spot and be able to know whatever you're thinking at that moment, and have the perfect answer to any question, all answers educated, but came with the usual tint of sarcasm. Then the surprise was gone from his face, and it creased into a warm smile. "Tai", he repeated from his earlier statement. "I have something to tell you. It's about the Digital World...and me, I guess. I just want to tell you, I'm giving up the fame of being the lead guitarist of the band", his face showed a brief glimpse of pain and disgust. "I..while I was still at the peak, I got involved with some illegal stuff. Of course, it's all cleared up now!", he shook his hands in the air in the pretense gesture of self-defense at my shocked face. He gave the statement a few moments to sink in, and then continued, "Tai, when I woke up last week, I found my Digivice had changed into a D3. Don't ask me how, but it just did. See?" He held out his new Digivice, and I inspected it, not touching it; it seemed like trespassing if we did so, we were so protective of our personal Digivices. There was no mistaking the silvery-bluish outline rigged sides, and the strangely transparent silver metal, it was a D3, but a different color than the ones that Davis & CO. had. I looked up into his expectant face, and just stared for a moment at each other.   
He looked down after a few seconds, and peered at the mysterious device in his hand. His voice was drawn, when he spoke, and it seemed to come from far away, in another time and place, reminiscing old times and place, old acquaintances and enemies, events and just plain old boring days.   
"Tai, I've been thinking a lot lately...after the incident with Davis and everything else, Arukenimon, Mummymon, Piedmon, Myotismon, all that stuff that's all in the past...it just seems so insecure, and I wanted to do this for a very long time. Tai, I've decided to stay permanently in the Digital World."  
My mind whirled with questions, with answers, with inanimate comments and statements, both blunt and complicated, spinning around my head in a haze of memories, of dreams, of everything that was my life with the others. It made me realize how much I had neglected my relationship with them, ignoring their pleas to go back to Japan, to at least write back to them. I had been immersed in my work, and I once I got into the habit, I couldn't break out of it...  
"Tai?" Matt's simple question brought me back to reality. His face showed a tiny hint of concern of my well being, and I replied it with a small smile.  
"It's..." I trailed off, looking for the right words to continue with, "a surprise...this sudden... well, you'll need to go back to Japan for that...I take it you want me to come with you to see you off? If you need a place to stay for a few days, my place is always open. The bed is quite small, but I figure 2 people can fit into it."  
For once, Matt was seriously surprised. I think I knew him better than he did himself, so when I had guessed his actions so accurately and acutely, he was at a loss. I smiled at his surprise, and took out a small notepad, scribbling my address and phone number hastily on it, but legible enough so he could read it. "Matt", I said softly, still afraid and disbelieving that he was here, my best friend. "This is my place, so go straight to the hotel you're staying at -wait, let me guess, Four Seasons downtown- and meet me at the next address listed below, which is my office address. Once you're there the, tell the secretary you want Tai Kamiya, and I'll come out for lunch. Deal?" I thought he was alright, but it seemed he was still in a slight shock.   
"Earth to Matt?"  
He returned the smile, and took the paper graciously. He chuckled mildly for a few moments before he spoke again in his rich tone that seemed to carry across eons of space and time, magical, not piercing but disturbing, not flexible but malleable. "I'll bake you're offer, Tai, and do as my milord asks."  
We both left, smiling at each other's company, until it was time for me to leave.  
I was still smiling when I left.  
***  
Just when I had exhaustingly finished with all the work that had been brought in before lunch hour, I fell back into my chair and studied my handiwork. It was the best I'd ever done; that morning had me up and going as soon as I entered the office. Right on cue, the buzzer rang, and Ms. Clyde's voice came over the intercom.   
"Tai Kamiya, Tai Kamiya. Please come to the main desk now. I repeat, Tai Kamiya, Tai Kamiya, please come to the main desk now."  
Grinning, I leapt up, grabbed my coat from the back of the chair, and strolled out, causing several confused heads to turn towards me. Obviously, no one here was very enthusiastic about their work, including me; I only did it to survive, until I got something better to come into my life. The receptionist at the main desk, or Ms. Clyde, was a bespectacled lady with wiry red hair pulled into a chignon at the back of her sharp, horse-like head. Her spectacles, perched at the end of her long nose, looked up at me when I passed, and wordlessly handed me the sign-out sheet, pursing her lips. Whether or not she was commenting on my age or at the fact that I was grinning slightly madly, I could not tell, but all these passed to the back of my mind when I ran out the office and outside to meet Matt for the 2nd time that day.  
My heart gave a twinge, a twist of memory that I had not felt for some while. I noticed, several years ago, that when I was up near Matt, my heart would always twist in that familiar way, but I never quite understood why it happened, or the little burst of confidence that he left me after meeting him somewhere. His meetings were always short, brief, to the point, I had told myself before. I figured this was because I wasn't able to see a lot of him, yet I was sure that even when he was half a world away, in someplace like Britain or Italy, I was still there, and he would be performing for our little team, partly me. He told us all that, once, in the rare occasion he was able to go on an outing with us, a picnic, or a mini soccer game. He didn't like to socialize, but when he did, all of us rejoiced that he actually spoke with us. Usually he was just a comforting soul to have around, a reassurance that there was a backbone in our group behind us that was hard to break, and that while the rest of us were around, it wouldn't break.  
I had worked hard to bury that little spark or hope, that faint twinge of memory, in the recesses of my mind and heart. Now, for so long, it had been awakened, and it felt strange, because I had spent so much time convincing myself that it wasn't meant to be.  
I, Taichi Kamiya, was not in love with Yamato Ishida.  
I, Taichi Kamiya, was not in love with Yamato Ishida.  
I, Taichi Kamiya, was not in love with Yamato Ishida.  
Those words, the words that I had been repeating in my mind ever since I left the small café by the sidewalk, rang through my mind. I wasn't. I couldn't fall in love with him. It was like it was taboo, it wasn't right, a sin, a...something terrible that no one talked about, ever, but everyone knew was out there, a threat to the wholeness and righteousness of mankind.  
I was a part of it. And there was nothing I could to stop it.  
"Ohayo...oi, now it's my turn to say 'Earth to Tai'?" Matt's eyes briefly shone a spark of amusement and friendly teasing. It always seemed to radiate that, the chumminess of our little group, and even though he seemed anti-social, he was actually the one who expressed the most, as hard as he tried to hide it behind his mask of silence and aloofness. His eyes told his whole tragic story: parents divorced, his brother and his separation...it was all written there in his eyes, and he seemed to always bear a great sadness around him, and everything that was sad around him seemed even happy. He wanted the world to be happy, yet he took no part in it. He thought he did not belong.  
We all thought he did, in his strange little way. He was part of us, and nothing could separate us once we were together. Not even miles, kilometer, hours, days, lack of communication...nothing could stop us from having that seemingly impossible faith in each other, that trust in friends that could never be broken, an impenetrable wall of friendship that we had, never breached and never knocked down.  
It was such that I came to love him. The stupidly sarcastic, ignorant (in my eyes), arrogant boy that I had so unmercifully tackled to the ground so many years ago in a fit of anger, the final straw for splitting up the team. He had gone against my orders, yet it taught me so much about him that I cannot even begin to explain.  
He waved a hand in front of my face. "Tai? Tai? You are still there, I presume, but aren't paying attention at all to my hand waving in front of your face?" His eyes were laughing, now, mocking with the same tint of humor that went back so many years into the past. His lips were curved into a smile, and a chuckle came from his mouth. He raked back his hair slightly, and put an arm around me, patting my back, then proceeded to wave his hand over my face again. Annoyed, I reached out and grabbed the hand, then pretended to bite it. On impulse, he snatched it back, and met my own eyes, a smirk on my face. We just stared at each other, bristling with antagonism, until finally I couldn't stand it anymore and stuck my tongue out at him. He stopped short for a moment, then threw back his head and laughed to the skies above, mocking the gods in the cloudy heavens. As almost an answer to his challenge, a fork of lightning split the air over the city, followed a few seconds later by the ominous low rumble of thunder.   
The sky began to fall, tipsy, and liquid splashed from the sky in cold clear drops that sheared the air into slices of thin cake, while Matt and I were left dumbfounded for a few moments, then with a stimulus yelp, ran for cover, which lay far away on the other side of the street. Not even bothering to check for cars (no one could've seen anything anyway in the downpour), we galloped ungainly across the street and under the shelter of the roof of a florist shop. Matt fumbled in his left coat pocket for a moment with freezing fingers, then pulled out a ring of keys with only 2 keys on is. He also had one of those control pads for finding cars in large parking lots. He looked at me, grinned mischievously, and pressed the button.  
Instantly the alarm rang off, sharp and insistent. He located it, and pointed through the murk of rain to the other side of the street. I gave a sigh, and I knew that he was thinking the same: we have to cross the street, again. With one last look at the weather and the dry haven above us, we plunged back into the rain. This time it was worse; our clothes were further ruined, and the bottom of my slacks were probably coated with mud from splashing in so many puddles.   
Still, I didn't regret it. I had more fun than I ever did in a while, now. With him, my best friend, the one who I bickered with constantly, the infamous lead guitarist of the most famous Japanese band on the face of this Earth. He smiled, now that we were yet underneath another temporary shelter, out of the rain. And suddenly he turned on me, and smiled that wonderful smile that just seemed to light up everything in my life, and go "Aha! This is what I live for!" in my mind.   
His smile is always contagious. I can never help but smile back.  
He smoothed out his hair (an obvious carry-over from show-biz), and clicked off the security lock on the car. His smile grew wider, and he flashed a glance at me, then ran for the driver's seat. I ran for the passenger, and within a few seconds, we were safely in the car, and out of harm's way. No, I take that back, out of rain way.  
Nothing could dampen my spirits now.  
Not even if the Digiworld collapsed upon our own.  
We drove on, oblivious to the rain, just enjoying each other's company. I took the slack rope of conversation between him and I, and tugged it a little by asking, "So, what's up in Odaiba?"  
/ \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \   
Author's note:  
This happens several years after Davis & CO. beat whatever they had to beat. This came to me ask first a one-shot fic, but it seems that this isn't going to be a one shot fic anymore...just a little series. Or a big one. I wish I could draw something to go along with it, but I must say, I can't draw for beans. Nope, can't draw for nothing, not even if my life depended on it.  
  
Andrea Weiling   
  



	2. Koushiro

Ch.2: Koushiro  
  
I remember that day. It always rings insistently in my mind. It was just one of   
those days in your little mind's databank of history that you would never forget for the   
rest of your life. That kinda day. It was a day like any other, at least in the morning.   
Work went as usual: just the computers and me. Entering data. Researching. Developing new  
theories that could improve the current computer technology. But I knew that nothing would   
work. The "Age of the Computers", as I often say, was never over. But as my close friends   
know, I almost always am never sure, and I often say the things contrary to what I actually   
think. For example, take the word I say the most, prodigious. I can mean it in a good way:  
"The new palm pilot complete with a phone is quite prodigious", or in a bad way: "Um, yeah,   
that is VERY prodigious. I'm sure others would share your enthusiasm about it..."  
  
Prodigious. That reminds me. I'm getting off the topic here. It's not that I   
wouldn't like a totally boring lecture on prodigious for the entire day, it's just that this  
isn't what I actually meant to talk about.  
  
He wrote.  
  
No, I take that back. HE, the infamous top-of-the-world lead guitarist that had led  
the world to both jumping up in excitement to crying bitter tears of resentment, the   
sarcastic, cocky, self-confident Yamato Ishida, had written to me. In all ways, he should   
be despised, an outcast who thinks too highly of himself, a tyrant who knows how to rule a   
country of helpless people, a man without a heart to pity those with less fortune than him,   
the kind that laughs instead of being generous. I should just chain him to the walls and   
beat him up, torture him, make him suffer for those lashed by his insensitive tongue.  
  
Instead, Matt is one of my closest friends. And I am sure that I will never let his  
friendship go. Never in all my years have I met someone so incredibly helpless, so   
incredibly unsure of himself, so unable that he has to resort to wearing a mask, a stoic   
mask, the mask of silence, the mask of mocking. He may seem the most secure of us all, and   
in some ways he is, but actually he is the most insecure. He isn't sure of anything in his   
life anymore, and he just is there, for a reason, always there, whether or not he's strong.   
Such is a sign of a friend that will never desert you, even when he is the most wretched   
creature on the face of this world.  
  
"Prodigious, isn't it, Yolei? These new computers just get smaller and smaller,   
don't they?", I heard myself saying. "I got this one online, off of Ubid.com. At first, I   
wasn't even sure that they sold such refurbished things, but I guess I was wrong. It was   
just a hunch that they actually might have what I want. What do you think?" I held up the   
little device that fit snugly into the heart of my palm, and held it up to the camera   
situated over my computer, on the rack of endless disks of data, all carefully labeled. I   
could change it any time, because if I pressed down on the wall, the whole CD rack would   
turn a 180 degree angle, and provide me with all the data on what I've gathered about the   
Digital World, the Digidestined in all parts of the world that we live in, and their   
Digivices.  
  
The girl shook her long purple hair, and looked enviously through the screen of my   
computer. She gave a pout, and said in her best bratty voice, "I want one too!" Time   
stopped for a moment as she let me take a moment to let that sink in, then we both collapsed  
into laughter. I don't believe I've laughed that hard in a while. After we had finished   
wiping the last tears of mirth from our eyes, Yolei signed off with a last cheerful goodbye   
and the promise that she would call again soon, if her studies didn't overtake her. I   
remained on the computer, solitary, until a little browser window popped up.  
  
It read:  
  
You have one new e-mail message. Do you wish to read it?  
  
I clicked "OK", and up came another browser window. I was just about to dismiss it as   
another commercial and another piece of spam, when I read the 2nd line, the line that listed  
the sender. And suddenly I didn't want to click it off anymore.   
  
Receiptant: TentoIzzy@digimon.net  
Sender: GaruluMatt@digimon.net  
  
Message:  
  
Izzy,  
  
From the heading, I think you can guess who this is, and who is writing to   
you this minute of this outrageously cold day. I met Tai today. He seems the same, but   
thing that surprised me the most is the extent that he predicted what I was going to   
propose. He guessed it the moment I said the words, "I'm going to stay in the DigiWorld   
permanently." It just kinda shows how much he knows me, even though we're oceans away, he   
still hasn't forgotten a single detail about me. Izzy, he's said he's going to come. Just   
make sure you can round the rest of the old gang, and the new, too. I want Tai to have the   
best vacation back to Tokyo. I think he deserves it, fully. He's been working himself too   
hard; there are dark bags under his eyes, and his smile is kinda waned, not the old   
energetic smile he once had. Maybe it can't be brought back, but I guess we have to try,   
don't we?  
  
Guess who?  
  
Matt had left a way to reach him. I sat at my desk for a few moments before I began to   
type. I couldn't think of anything to say back to him. Matt rarely let his inside feelings  
spill out like this, so when he did, he meant it. He wanted a reply, and fast, before he   
ran out of ideas. He wanted to get a reply from me, to see if I could think of anything.   
He was, in a way, testing Tai and my friendship, seeing which places need to be fixed   
because they are weak, and which places need nothing, just a constant upbeat of bring that   
particular subject up once in a while, or else it becomes weak.  
  
I began to write a reply to him. "Matt, I'm glad you wrote because I was starting   
to get worried..."  
  
No. That didn't sound right. It didn't sound like ME, it sounded like any other   
person. Matt, as well as all others that were in our little team so many years back, all   
knew me to be quite unpredictable sometimes, creating theories that mightn't be true, but   
sounded right back then. I was the brainiac, the thoughtful one, the one who held the Crest  
of Knowledge, and I was also the practical one. I never believed anything unless someone I   
knew who wasn't going to lie to me said it, or I would have to see with my own eyes.  
  
So I started typing again. This is what it read:  
  
Receiptant: GaruluMatt@digimon.net  
Sender: TentoIzzy@digimon.net  
  
Message:  
  
Matt,  
  
I got your message. If I know Tai, he's the reliable type, and even though   
not always punctual, he always get to the end sooner or later. I can say, on this   
e-mail, but not out loud, that he really is a bright kid. Or, for that matter, man,  
now. I'm glad he said he would come. Come say, I was starting to get anxious   
because Tai wasn't the type to turn people away, especially not his best friend. I   
hope I got the address to the café that he goes to every morning right. Matt, I   
hope, as much as you do, that he will find a bit of solace once he's here; we won't   
let him go that easily, and I hope you won't leave all that soon for the DigiWorld,   
because you 2 really should catch up on each other, and make amends. I mean, you 2   
haven't seen each other in -what, 5 years? I think he deserves a little attention   
from you before you go. And plus, I don't believe you've told your parents yet.   
  
I was overstricken by a momentary pang of guilt for a moment. The memories of our days in   
the DigiWorld came rushing back at me, replaying for the millionth time in my life here, in   
this so-praised "Most Brilliant Scientific Mind". I was guilty of many things, but I won't   
forget the day that Tai came to me and just wanted someone to comfort him. He told me that   
he had fallen for Matt, a long time ago in fact, and when he asked the future rock star that  
he was in love with him. Matt, shocked, had no answer, so Tai just took it as a no. But   
later, Matt came to my place to sort things out. He told me everything, and I told him back  
that he should make up his mind before making another move. And so now, after 5 years, he   
finally made his decision? Even then, I highly doubted that Tai still believed in this   
foolish, one-sided love affair. It was just plain madness, I should tell him. It didn't   
seem right, and to me, it never would seem right. So on this subject, I wrote:  
  
You need to tell him soon. He can't spend the rest of his life waiting for you to answer   
the question he's been dying for you to answer for so many years. He is human, too, and I   
don't think he can hold onto this selfish hope for much longer, if he hasn't let go already.  
You can't forget his words, as vague as they seem, and I pray that you'll come to your   
senses soon.  
  
Your prodigious friend,  
  
Koushiro the Brainless  
  
I erased the whole message, and typed up another lame one.  
  
* * *  
  
There came a knock on my door near lunchtime, and I figured it would be one of my   
employees, trying to impress me with a lunch out, so I called out, "Come in." After all, a   
free lunch is better than paying for your lunch. Always take advantage of anything that has  
"FREE" written all over it. But when the door opened, I was mildly surprised, for once,   
that it wasn't one of my workers, but one of the Digidestined, the one who inherited my   
Crest of Knowledge.  
  
I could tell, even though I had not seen him for -at the very least- 2 years, I was   
sure this was the patient, caring, almost anti-social character that I had met so many times  
in those years long past. And as I grew to know him, I myself assured that there was no   
other person on the face of this Earth that deserved the Crest of Knowledge more than he   
did. He did everything I did that was actually right, and avoided the things that were my   
mistakes. He learned from all of us, by observing us, by replaying each action and command   
that we gave or did, he was able to find out what he should do, and not repeat the things   
that didn't need repeating.  
  
Still, I had my doubts that this tall, brown -haired lad that appeared before me, in  
my very office, was Cody. I didn't have all that hard time of guessing; I only knew one   
person who still wore his hair in a bowl cut, refused any girl who wanted to date him save   
Yolei and Kari (who wouldn't have dated him anyway), and had a D3 strapped firmly to his   
backpack. He had his growth spurt, I thought to myself. Now he's even taller than me. Who   
am I going to be able to tease now, about height, that is?  
  
He bowed low to me, but his green eyes twinkled merrily when I stood and did the   
same for him. We locked gazes for a moment, then both of us burst our laughing. He threw   
his backpack on the floor beside the chair, and plopped himself down on the couch in front   
of my desk. After a few more chuckles, he got up again and grabbed the jelly bean jar   
before I could stop him. He unscrewed the lid, and chose a few for himself, then placed it   
calmly back on the desk, where I snatched it and hid it from prying eyes into the drawer.   
He gave me a pouty look, then laughed.  
  
"Aww, Izzy, can't you spare me a few? There were so many in that jar! You wouldn't   
mind if I took just a few more, do you?" His voice had become low and husky, but of course,  
his voice had always been low and husky. It's just that his voice had just changed from   
tenor to bass. I couldn't help but stare at this transformation. A short, unspeaking boy   
of in his mere teens became a tall, handsome young man that actually told jokes? This was   
too comfortable, too much had changed between us. His laugh seemed a little too loud and a   
little too forced. His eyes, that had been twinkling just a few moments ago, were too   
happy, too fake. And as fast and as knowledgeable my mind was, I still couldn't upset my   
boundaries. THAT, by itself, told me a much.  
  
Something was wrong. Cody was acting strangely. As comfortable as he becomes, he   
can't be so comfortable and host-like that he actually made jokes. Something was definitely  
wrong. I didn't like it, whatever it was.  
  
So I asked him straight out  
  
"Cody, what's wrong?"  
  
He stopped for a moment, and looked at me, still in mid-laugh. Then he gave a   
resigned sigh, the kind you give when you give when you find you've been found out, and   
dropped his hands. He looked at me, his green eyes solemn, and when he spoke, his voice was  
soft and low, and I knew something was wrong, even before he opened his mouth. "Koushiro",   
he murmured, "have you checked your e-mail, the personal e-mail account?"  
  
Something in his voice made me turn around, flip my computer up, and furiously type   
in the URL to my other e-mail account. As fast as I possibly could, I typed in my user   
name, and my password, as my mind whirled to face last week. Yes, I thought. I had not   
checked my e-mail since the beginning of the month, ignoring everything but my work, and not  
paying attention to anyone or even the thought of "DigiWorld". Even Joe's constant calls of  
worry were ignored. I wasn't paying attention to anything but the papers and pencils on my   
desk.   
  
But part of that was because I had felt there was something to come, something that   
was just lurking around the corner, a piece of something that I hadn't realized I'd earned   
or owned, but rediscovered. By now, I was staring at the site that read my Inbox. There   
was 1 new message, dated a week ago. I took a glance at Cody, who looked on with   
determination. He knew that this was coming. His eyes caught me looking at him, and he   
gave me a nod. I clicked on the message.  
  
It read:  
  
Receiptant: TentoIzzy@digimon.net  
Sender: DigCody@digimon.net  
  
Message:  
  
Izzy,  
  
Yesterday I was just finished with my dinner when I heard something at the door. I   
was curious at what is was when the thumping came again, and then I opened the door. It   
was practically a snowball from trudging in the snow outside the door. I wiped the snow   
off, and I saw, with a kinda shock, that it was Gabumon. I set him down right beside the   
heater with about 20 towels under him to catch the water, but I think something's wrong, and  
I want you to come over and take a look at this disk he has on his collar, which I found was  
Matt's tag and crest, as well as Matt's digivice. Something is very wrong. Come over as   
soon as you can.  
  
Cody  
  
I stopped short, and then my hand went up to run my fingers through my red hair. I frowned,  
then turned back to Cody. Very simply I put my next statement. "There's more to this.   
You couldn't have just come here to let me know this. Tell me what happened to Gabumon. He  
isn't there, anymore, is he?"  
  
The Japanese lowered his head. "Iiee", he said softly. Izzy sighed, and asked him   
another question. "Did he say anything? Or did he just die peacefully in his sleep?"  
  
Cody looked up for a moment, and a sparkle returned to his eyes, only to be   
overtaken by a sense of puzzling confusion. He thought, then said slowly, "He told me that   
I would 'find' something, that the Digidestined would 'find' something, not just now, but   
for keeps forever. When I asked him what he meant, he just kinda smiled in his sleep and   
told me that I would understand sometime soon. I got the disk played, with my own fiddling,  
and it told me-" The young kendo master burst into tears here, and gave me a horrible   
startle. Panic seized me for a second, and I hurried over and took the taller man in my   
arms. He leaned gratefully in my weight, and I guided him to a chair. Boy, he was heavy.   
  
He sniffed, dried his eyes, and looked up at me with bleary green eyes. "Izzy", he   
said. "Matt's dead."  
  
/ \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \   
  
Author's note:  
  
I'm mean, aren't I? Well, you'll find out later what I really mean by that. I   
can't tell you anymore, or else I'll just give the whole thing away.  
  
Andrea Weiling  
  



	3. Sora

Ch.3: Sora  
  
I skid around the corner, that I remember so well. The white porclein floor   
underfoot was slippery, but at that moment, I didn't quite care. I rounded a corner,   
feeling the old aliveness in my legs spring to life again, making me feel like I was still   
12, still safe, still innocent, still a kid without worries except for grades in school and   
soccer games and a troublesome best friend who always beat me in soccer. I always gave him   
what for afterwards, but that didn't matter right now. I threw out my right foot as I   
rounded another corner, and almost slipped. Almost tripping a nurse with a cart full of   
blood samples, I mentally told myself to be a little more careful. My red hair streamed in   
my face, so I almost couldn't see, but I brushed it out of my way as I leaned down to steady  
my balance on the floor without slowing down. It was the exhilaration, the pure adrenaline   
that pumped through me like a tidal wave that kept me going. Senses long dead for so many   
years came back alive, and I surged forth another burst of speed, looking at my destination   
up ahead. Just then the door opened in the hall, the door I had been striving for. I   
knocked the doctor head over heels, and we both hit the floor, me on top. We flew about 10   
feet, hitting the bed. The white doctor's robe splayed out on the white floor, almost   
transparent because of its similar color, but a patch of shoulder-length of black/indigo   
hair. A glassed face peered up at me, and recognized me, not saying anything but flopping   
back down. Hastily I lifted myself up and held out a hand to him. All the other occupants   
of the room stood up at this, and as I helped the doctor to his feet, they gathered around.   
  
The doctor shook his head ruefully, but didn't smile. "Sora, this is a HOSPITAL,   
for heaven's sake. DO be a little more careful."  
  
I tried to smile, but instead it turned into a frown. My lips trembled, and I   
ignored the warning with another question, "Joe...what happened to Tai?" The doctor looked   
surprised at my instincts, but I pressed on to the pristine bed behind him. My eyes   
worried, I looked him over, and was a little frightened to see his head wrapped in a   
bandage, his cheek with gauze strapped to it, his arm patched up in a splint, but other than  
that, I could see nothing wrong with him. Wordlessly, the others pulled up a chair for me.   
A face swam before me in my sea of tears, and I recognized the light brown hair and   
vermillion eyes. Kari gently set me down in the chair Ken provided, and all of us stood   
silent, pensive, tense, waiting for something to happen. Finally the tears took control,   
and I silently cried, praying to God, if there even was one, if there was even some mercy,   
some decency in this world that I lived it, that he would be alright. He looked so pale, so  
unlike himself, lying in that bed. I didn't like seeing him so helpless. Sure, I had seen   
him sleep before, but this was different. He was PALE, contrary to the dark skin that he   
was usually tanned in from being out in the sun so much. His brown hair was held up by the   
bandage, but I could see the unruly bang that fell down between his eyes, and flopped up and  
down when he ran. It was just like him, to be like that. It almost brought a smile to my   
face, but the happiness was crushed by that white skin, so stark and white that I almost   
cried.  
  
Wrong. I was already crying.  
  
Finally I dried my eyes, and forced my voice not to tremble too much as I spoke.   
"What happened?"  
  
Kari touched my shoulder gently, looking at her brother, taking his appearance in.   
I could see the same frustration running through her mind, just like mine. After a little   
while that seemed like eternity, her soft voice answered, tinged with a bit of regret. It   
was clear that she wanted to take part of the blame, but just like all other incidents, I   
was sure she was not the one to blame.  
  
"Wakarimasen. I don't know. All I know that is when I was over at Yolei's, our   
crests and digivices started to glow strangely, like if it was too weak to give out light   
anymore. Both of us knew that something was obviously wrong by that weakness of the glow,   
so we called the first person we could think of. That was Izzy." Out of the corner of my   
eye, I saw Koushiro give a small confirming nod, and I knew that they were sure about this.   
Kari continued. "He was on his way to Matt's apartment, where Tai and Matt were both   
staying. Apparently, Matt had gone out to buy groceries, or something like that, and Tai   
was left at home. When we got there, the door was flung wide open, and there was strange   
smell in the air. It made all of us nauseous, so we backed out, and dialed as many of the   
rest of us as we could. After a while, we realized that we should call the rest of the   
retired DigiDestined as well, which included you. We called you, but you weren't home,   
Sora." She smiled a little weakly at me. "Sorry, but we had to run a trip to the hospital,  
dropping me off at my house to get your cellular number. I called you, you came here."  
  
I could have screamed, but that wouldn't have been like my normal composed self, so   
I said, "No. Where did you find Tai?"  
  
Her eyes pained me for a moment, then her voice quivered as she spoke, and her tears  
filled her eyes temporary before falling onto me. "Tai...Tai was sprawled out on the   
concrete at the top of the building. He was desperately trying to reach for something, and   
was screaming Matt's name at the top of his lungs, then we saw this blue portal, the color   
of Matt's crest. It swirled before our eyes, and then it just gathered itself up and   
disappeared. But we turned out attention to Tai, who was still trying desperately to reach   
the spot where the portal was. Unfortunately, if you've noticed, the apartment complex that  
Matt rented his apartment in was more than 20 stories high. We almost lost Tai then, he was  
about to throw himself over the edge." She smiled weakly, and then she broke down   
completely, her eyes shut and her face hidden from the rest of us by her hands which   
anguishedly clutched at her face. "Sora", she half-wailed, half-lamented before burying her   
head in T.K.'s arms. The boy held her, and for once, Davis didn't complain about it.   
"Maybe it was a good thing you didn't see it, Sora. He looked horrible. He was crying, and  
with his arm broken, he couldn't get up, and he didn't seem to be able to see us, only that   
disappearing portal. He seemed like he was desperately trying to do something, and just   
before he passed out, I saw something that shocked me, and surprised me at the same time, in  
a good way."  
  
My eyes were asking, pleading enough for her to continue.   
  
"His DigiVice has turned into a D3 as well. Cody brought Matt's. Matt was nowhere   
to be found. We called every number he had ever given us, including all the cellular ones,   
his pager, his house, everything, but he just wasn't anywhere. There's nothing we can do,   
Sora. Matt's gone, and we had hoped that this time, it would be just like last time, just a  
false alarm, but it doesn't seem like that now. It's really true this time; Matt's not just  
gone, he could be dead, and without Gabumon to help him, I don't know what he'd be at, or   
anything like that..." She just broke down and cried, and Takeru gently held her, rocking   
back and forth slowly. Davis didn't say anything, just looked at his idol, sleeping   
silently on the bed. He, just like the rest of us, couldn't believe that Tai, one of US,   
the UNBEATABLE ones, was on the bed, helpless, unable to wake up. His face suddenly grew   
fierce, angry and determined, and I knew he had come to a conclusion on what to do. Good,  
I mentally congratulated him, you've finally decided to do something about it. But don't   
we all? What can we do now? He realizes, he's the leader of all of us now? Tai's not here  
anymore to lead us experienced ones, so now he's in charge of all of us.  
  
What will he do?  
  
The figure on the bed stirred slightly. Everyone's attention was suddenly riveted   
on him, all of them urging him to awake, to open those sparkling brown eyes that laughed and  
danced, mocking and friendly all at once. He was the soul of our little group, the elder   
soul that guided the younger ones in the right path. Without him, where would we be?  
  
Nowhere, I told myself. Tai's part of us. He can't afford to die, or else...   
I didn't want to think about that prospect at the moment.  
  
And what about Matt?, I asked myself as well. Was he part of the group as well?   
Was he part of us? Was he as important as Tai?  
  
No, came the answer. He wasn't, but he still was part of the team. Just not as  
important.  
  
There was nothing else to be said, for at that precise moment, Tai awakened.  
  
/ \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \   
  
Author's note:  
  
This fic is coming along nicely, if I must say so myself. You'll see what all this   
is leading to later. Just to clear up a few things...the disk Gabumon had? Well, it said   
Matt was dead, right? And Gabumon died telling Cody he would find something. Mysteriously,  
Matt came back, alive, and realized that Gabumon had been tricked into going into the Real   
World. Remember, when Digimon go into the real world, they lose some of their little   
'happy' side of them. Gabumon lost too much at once, coupled with the pretense death of   
Matt, and he just couldn't take it anymore and let go of his life. Matt had indeed been   
captured, but that was all. The captors had wanted Gabumon to suffer because of his close   
friend, not Matt. Perhaps, in a roundabout way, they hurt Matt as well, because Matt lost   
Gabumon anyways. Sorry this chapter is so short.   
  
Andrea Weiling  
  



	4. Kari

Ch.4: Kari  
  
It had been an hour. An hour that rang so stolidly in this mind of mine, I could   
hardly remember a time when this did not come to my mind, every time I thought of this.   
Pressed against Takeru, I could only sob, but when he stirred, all eyes were riveted on him,  
his figure that coughed and spluttered as only my brother, the most soccer-loving boy in the  
world (even more than Davis) hacked and coughed. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Joe   
rush forward and gently ease him into a better position. His eyes were closed, clenched   
tight, but when they opened, the brown was unfocused, and he wobbled about in the bed for a   
moment before he looked up. His eyes were bleary, but he could make out our heights and our  
faces, even after all these years of being apart. It hadn't come as a surprise, now that   
our leader was down, that we would gather around and prevent him from getting any more hurt.  
He was our soul, the main part of us, and we couldn't just let him go like that. He was US,   
and whatever represented us, and just as he was our little gang's banner, we had to keep it   
proudly raised, just like we always had.   
  
But now, as he looked at us, from one face to the other, scanning over Davis and   
Izzy and Sora in the chair and Joe and Cody, he came to the very end of the line around his   
bed, and his eyes teared up, and suddenly sharp coughs racked his frame again. It was true,  
he had lost a lot of blood from the cut on his arm...but this, this was too much. As Joe   
steadied him, I reached out and gently touched my brother's shoulder, and let my mind sink   
into this. I watched as the rest of the crowd watched me carefully, knowing what I was   
doing, but not stopping me. Before I closed my eyes, I saw Joe nod at me, and then I was in  
his mind.   
  
'Nii-san, are you there?, I called out.  
  
Go away.  
  
'Nii-san, what's the matter?  
  
Go away.  
  
No!  
  
Abruptly I was forcefully pushed out of his mind, and I opened my eyes, my mind   
spinning. Takeru laid a reassuring hand on my shoulder, and we all watched as slowly his   
eyes opened, to focus on the material of the white blanket, knitted and spun in front of   
him. We waited, it seemed, for the longest time we had ever waited in such silence, a   
silence that stuck to our bones, just from the pure emptiness of it. I didn't move.   
Neither did anyone else. It was like if Time had imprisoned us all in a moment, and we   
weren't able to move. The clock on the wall ticked endlessly, my mind pulsating with the   
rhythm, my heart empty as the sound echoed off its chambers, and I felt utterly alone, a   
part of me, my heart, went out to that figure on the stark white bed, looking at the sheets   
in a pretense of fascination.  
  
He raised his head. "Matt", he croaked, his throat dry. "Doko wa Matt?"  
  
No one answered, just silence. Our eyes filled with slow recognition of the name,   
and showed sympathy as he searched all of our faces for a clue, a hint of what might have   
happened, but as he searched our carefully blanked faces, he found nothing, and as he   
searched for the third time, he gave up, and looked down at the blanket again. Nothing was   
said, no said exchanges were made, all eyes were on my brother.  
  
Suddenly his head snapped up, as well as his anger, and his voice richoetted off the  
walls as he shouted at us. "Why don't you people answer me, dammit!"  
  
Nothing was said, still. Silence was quiet, for a moment, then rose again thickly   
to wrap us all in its smothering embrace.  
  
Then it was like as if a dam had broken, the dam of time, the last barrier between   
it and resoluteness, a frightening prospect that all lead to one last thing: Matt was gone.  
My heart went out to Tai as he sobbed into his hands, and suddenly everyone was crowding   
around the little bed, and hugs were exchanged, crying and tears were soaking through shirts  
and onto the floor, people rocked back and forth, dizzy with the last realization. It was   
if all the world had lost its color, its attractive luster at that moment in time. The   
world was dead to us, and soon it was if a black void had been poured into that place we   
called a heart; we had the clearest of the clear realizations, and we accepted it, tears in   
our eyes, but there was always hope, somewhere out there, the faint glimmer of life that   
still sparked our lives, leading and encouraging us on. And it came to us, from its named   
messenger himself.  
  
"My 'nii-san's not dead", Takeru said, standing tall, eyes dry. To all of us, it   
seemed as if he had grown taller, his posture straight, a knight that had come through the   
darkness to save us all. For that split second, we all adored him, we all wanted a piece of  
that confidence, that sureness, without a doubt we knew now, even in our dark and strange   
hearts that had been twisted in so many scarring battles that we were torn apart, friends   
lost, hurt, and losing all sense of direction in life but to fight and survive...but later   
we had found that living had no use, but that was when all of us realized that we had ties,   
now. We had ties with each other, to help each other, to not ever be weary enough to not   
help a friend. You always had time, you always had energy for a friend. You had to try to   
be a friend, a true one. And that was exactly what T.K. was; he was Hope himself, a winged   
messenger from the heavens like Hermes in Greek mythology, sent down to help us. We were   
grateful, all of us. We all looked back on the figure on the bed, awaiting orders, even in   
his state. My brother was still the leader, despite his injuries, and he could still think,  
and he would do so, to help us, to help Matt, or condemn him. He would decide.  
  
Tai looked imploringly up at T.K., hope lingering for no more than a moment on his   
features. "You think he's alive?"  
  
T.K. was temporarily taken aback by the question, but he hardened his resolve, and   
answered, "There's no proof that he's dead."  
  
Then it happened, so fast, but it seemed like Time had stopped her hands again.   
Tai's face looked so bright for a second, so incredibly hopeful, so much like the   
inquisitive child he was once that I almost smiled at such an innocent gesture. Tai's face   
then broke out into a slow smile, and all of us savored the few seconds that it was there,   
and it seemed to last forever, before it reached his eyes and stayed there, the hope and   
wonder twinkling once again in his eyes. He was my brother, Tai Kamiya, and nothing could   
keep him unhappy for long. Tai had left all of us for New York, but because of Matt, he had  
been brought back. I guess we all had Matt to thank him for that. It was a gift, and we   
had cherished it, begging him to stay. And he had taken it up, telling his company if he   
could get referred to the company's location in Japan. The company had granted the request,  
having just opened its branch in downtown Tokyo with all its busybody-looking pedestrians. My brother had STAYED, but I could tell that just our friendship wasn't enough to make him stay.  
  
It was Matt's that made him stay. Once in half a year, Matt came over, once during   
summer, once during Christmas, just to say "Hi" and tell us everything he had learned in the  
Digital World. In turn, we would tell him all the news that had happened here, including   
everything embarrassing, everything serious and sad, and anything, everything, nothing at   
all. He took it all in, and for once, we could tell he was happy. He had only visited us   
once, and this had been his first summer visit. There were obviously no classes, so he was   
glad to join on our picnics. He had brought us closer by our constant wondering on what was  
going on in there. It had been Christmas when Gabumon had stumbled up on Cody's doorstep.  
  
Matt was devastated, when he visited for Christmas and found out that Gabumon had   
died. But according to him, he hadn't gone to the village to reclaim him. He trusted   
Gabumon to find him. Once, on the subject, he had said, "Gabumon has a life to live as   
well. I can't be around forever, so he just has to live some of his life first. He   
deserves it, after all." All of us agreed, once he was out of earshot, that he was crazy,   
but we left him to his own premises, his own decisions. We did not own either Yamato or   
Gabumon or even remotely had such a bond, so we all decided to leave the matter be, and let   
the rope go slack. And now, we found that we SHOULD have done something, just maybe   
SOMETHING, and Matt might still've been in our ranks...but it was too late now. The hands   
of Time and Fate had turned, and there was nothing we could do about it now. Matt was gone,  
and we had come to terms with that. Now, only one question remained, one that 'nii-san   
would decide, something we might suggest and try to influence, but the decision wasn't ours.  
It was out of our hands.  
  
My brother looked unsure. Softly Yolei's voice lifted from the rest of the sounds,   
and her voice was more soothing than anything I had heard. It calmed all of us immediately,  
and all of us turned to him when she was done speaking. Her suggestion was simple: "What   
happened while you were on the roof?"  
  
That was surely something that all of us, even Tai, was puzzled about. But when   
Yolei said this, his eyes glazed over a little as he searched his mind for something. When   
he shook his head wearily, not remembering, Yolei told him to start from when he thought he   
remembered something, even days or weeks before. He thought about the comment for a moment,  
then nodded his head in accordance and cleared his throat. Joe handed him the glass of   
water delicately, and even balanced it for Tai to drink from in his hand. I could tell that  
'nii-san didn't like that, but it was an extra precaution, taken up by Joe. There was   
nothing he could to about it. The doctor knew best, after all. And Joe was the doctor.  
  
"Matt was out, if I recall, that day...how many days has it been?" He looked   
straight at me when he asked. I had no choice but to tell him. I held up my hand in the   
shape of an "O". He looked surprised; he was probably expecting it to be a week or so.   
That's the way it usually happened in movies, and movies had a large influence in everyone.  
  
"Well, then, Matt was out today in the afternoon, saying that he wanted to check out  
how his band members, even after they disbanded, were." It had been only right to tell   
them, they had seen a Digimon before, so they knew what it was all about. Matt had no   
choice but to tell them why he was standing up front, angry fisted and lips tight with   
anger, shouting up at a gigantic monster shouting, "You ruined my concert!" without a trace   
of fear because he had a striped blue wolf-looking creature on his right. It had been a   
shock to the remaining 3 of them, but they had digested the information, as well as the   
later information that he was going to spend the rest of the life in the "world up in the   
sky". That was about it, and sometimes we would see some of the band members at Matt's   
demand, just to check on them. They treated us just what we were: just some of Matt's other  
strange friends. We didn't mind, because we knew that we were strange already, and things   
could get a lot stranger if we didn't get a grip on them.   
  
"I just got up from a little catnap when I heard something on the roof. My digivice  
started to grow a strange red color, the color that kinda alerted me that something was   
happening, and it was happening close somewhere around. I heard the thumping again, and not  
really thinking straight, I ran up the stairs to ask whoever was living upstairs to stop   
thumping. But when I got up there, I realized it was the roof. You know, Yamato always   
likes high places, so he chose the top of a 20-story apartment complex to live in. Well,   
here I was, on the roof, and just in front of me, there was this man. He...I can't really   
explain what he looked like, because I didn't see anything except for these 2 things you can  
call 'eyes', except his were just points of light under a dark hood. He didn't even have a   
hood on, just short hair, but the sun seemed to shine the wrong way and I couldn't see   
anything. The guy didn't say anything, and I felt a dread of imposing doom, as T.K. would   
describe it", he looked briefly at Takeru before he continued, "and he just plain started to  
beat me up. And just when he'd resorted to stop using his fists and pulled out several   
darts to throw at me, Matt appeared on the top step of the door to the roof." He looked   
down for a moment, thinking, contemplating before his voice spoke up again, this time softer  
and pained, as if it hurt him to say it. "Matt", he said slowly, "He had his digivice in   
hand, and there was a sword coming from it...I never knew Matt took kendo lessons or any   
self-defense lessons at all, ever, but he used that sword like a natural and hacked through   
the air more than the guy, who was really fast. One moment he was here, blink, he's gone.   
It was uncanny, but Matt still got him some good ones."  
  
We were silent again, but this time the silence that hovered over us wasn't as   
suffocating as it had been. We waited, and then felt sympathy as Tai spoke up again, his   
voice just a notch above a whisper, his voice unreadable. "I saw that this guy, this   
disappearing act, the guy was behind Matt, about to shove this dagger in his back, muttering  
something about 'eliminating all obstacles' before I screamed, and the next thing I knew,   
there was a dagger in my arm, straight through it, clear out the bone. Of course, it   
shattered. Matt took one look at me and slowly took it out, then took his jacket and ripped  
it into 2. I don't where he got that kinda strength, but I guess it had to have something   
to do with the DigiWorld and that training he was receiving from the person, the person   
staying at the Digital World as well. Don't remember her name, but I remember it started   
with 'H', or something like that." He snapped back to the present, and then just looked   
down again. "Well, Matt started to talk to this man. It turns out this man's an actual   
'boss' of something, and they're trying to get to the powers inside of the crests. They   
have digivices, an older version, but other than that, they had nothing. Since they sensed   
the most power coming from me, and the most confidence, they just thought that it would   
probably be in their interest to take me first."  
  
"Gradually Matt talked the guy out of it, saying that I couldn't use my powers yet,   
and didn't know how to control them, something like that. The sword in his hand just   
disappeared, and I saw that the digivice was a D3, just like he had showed me and told me   
earlier in New York. He took his digivice off, but kept the crest. The guy wanted it,   
after all. But just before he left, Matt came over to me and just kinda looked at me, as if  
studying me for the first time. Then he just gave a weak smile, and the guy put cuffs over   
him like some old policeman, and the portal opened again and then you came and then   
everything was happening so fast, my arm broken, you guys coming, and then I don't remember   
anymore than trying to reach that portal, but just before, it closed...and Matt's gone...my   
fault." He sobbed quietly into his hands, and it was all I could do to just sit on the edge  
of the bed, holding him. He was my 'nii-san, the strongest person I'd ever seen, but even   
the strong have weak points, and Matt was one of his.   
  
It wasn't really a secret anymore, after both Tai and Matt told Izzy. The computer   
technician dropped very un-subtle hints that luckily Tai avoided, having been in New York.   
But I wondered how Matt could have lived through all that. The thing was, Tai was in love   
with Matt, and Matt was in love with Tai, both were too stupid and too stubborn to admit it,  
even if someone told it straight out, to their faces "YOU GUYS ARE JUST SO PATHETIC!!!".   
They'd probably not even wonder what that comment meant; they were just simply clueless in   
their affections for each other. But in the end, it seemed like a dead end. Tai was far,   
far away in New York, didn't call, didn't send e-mails, just totally cut off from the rest   
of us, while Matt, still in Japan and touring all over the world, knowing that Tai had no   
time to view a concert in New York City, was still madly in love with him. He sometimes   
would get a look in his eyes, the year before he left for the Digital World as a permanent   
residence, and it was a sad look, the look of longing. He wanted to see Tai, but what if   
Tai didn't want to see him. Finally, when his mind was made up, he went to New York, and   
that was the end of that. Tai had asked to be transferred to the new branch here, and he   
was the un-hired, unpaid translator of any unlucky American that happened to be visiting.   
  
He was just so sweet. I wonder why my brother didn't take him while he had the   
chance. Wasn't it all clear enough? We all thought it was. Even Sora didn't seem riled up  
about it. She probably thought that she wouldn't fit in if there was a 3-way love triangle.   
Better leave the matter alone. And as she sat there, in the chair that T.K. had propped up   
for her, she seemed so lost and alone. My heart went out to her, she looked so sad. And I   
knew that there was something that had to be done about this, and if I was the only one to   
do it, so be it. I had to TRY, at the very least TRY to bring back those smiles back onto   
those faces, so glum and sullen from lack of happiness. I had to find Matt, not just for   
myself, for T.K. for Tai, or anyone. It was for Matt. He deserved to be looked for, after   
winning my brother's affections for so long. It was still plain that Tai still had a very   
apparent crush on him, though he covered it up very well. Everyone knew that Matt did, but   
these days, they were just amiable. They weren't going for anything, just simply enjoying   
each other's company. None of us expected anything to happen until Matt was away for about   
one more half year. But that was now. Did my brother still love him? Of course. After   
all, Matt had just saved his life, right?  
  
Or had he just sent him spinning in the depths of crazed despair for a seemingly one  
-sided love affair?  
  
/ \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \   
  
Author's notes:  
Hmm, the next fic I write will be a WeiB Kruez one. I don't want to write any more   
Digimon for a little while, unless the whim takes me. It was just this chapter was left   
unfinished, and I wanted to get it done, so I just went ahead and did it. And now, I need   
to catch up on my sleep. Oyasumi, minna...  
  
Andrea Weiling  
  



	5. Yamato

Ch. 5: Yamato  
  
I woke up in complete darkness. Complete and utter darkness swirled around me,   
prying, examining me. I squirmed uncomfortably as delicate finger of nothing but smoke   
brushed against my ribs, and felt my clothing. All at once, it begin to travel upwards,   
until the hand cupped my face. Then I felt a rush of dread as more hands began to surround   
me, in a seemingly circle formation, looking at me, poking and probing until I felt exposed   
to them. There was no sound in this, just the rustle of my clothes and the soundless of the   
black around me, thick and pulsating. It grated upon my nerves horribly, this silence, this  
darkness. It seemed like the world was sucked devoid of life, the aftermath of a battle   
between light and dark, and the only things left were the dead copses and the shadow-hungry   
wraiths that picked the scant meat off the meager bones for a living. And now, I realized,   
was I dead? Was this the aftermath of my battle with my life? Was this the End for me?  
  
Was Tai still alive?  
  
Yes, the memories began to surge forth through me now, the joy and happiness my life  
had, mixed with all emotions, all situations, until I felt heady with dizziness from all the  
remembering. The dark hands backed away, not knowing this brightness I began to feel. I   
felt my heart almost burst out with overfilling happiness at the fact when he said he did,   
he did, he did. But I just stood, staring, looking at him incredulously, and he took that   
as a no, and ran away from us. He said it was because of the memories, especially the bad   
ones. I don't have to say anything to mean that I was one of them. Tai...he deserved an   
answer, at the very least. He at least deserved me to go "What?" or "Did you say   
something?", but all he got was a blank face, eyes stirring with disbelief, and a posture   
that suggested that I was mad at him. Needless to say, when he was running away, I hated   
myself. Tai wasn't in love with me anymore. I had asked him straight out when we got to   
Japan. Nothing. He just looked at me straight in the eye and said, "Iiee, Matt, I don't   
love you anymore." I felt my heart crack at the, but then I realized that he had waited for  
longer than me. He probably had somebody else on his mind, just not me. Tai doesn't love   
me anymore, and though it's a painful fact, I faced it, and have accepted it. He just   
doesn't like me anymore.  
  
Then why does he have that look in his eyes every time he sees me? Did he lie when   
he said he didn't love me? After he said it, I swore I had heard crying in the room he had.  
But then I put my ear to the door, and heard nothing. No sobs, no nothing. I had even   
knocked on the door, asking, "Daijoubu ka, Tai?". The door had immediately opened, and   
there was Tai, dry-eyed, nothing happening, just a manila folder in hand and a pencil tucked  
behind his ear. Nothing was wrong. He asked me, "Yeah, nan desu ka?"  
  
I had no reply, just smiled and walked away. I could feel his puzzled eyes on me as  
I did so, and felt a pang of guilt course through me like a knife. I had never meant to   
hurt him like that...all I ever did was cause trouble for the team. I always argued with   
him, but in the very end, I fell in love with him. Not just because of his never-ending   
love for soccer, his personality, his looks, but because he's so...Tai. He never tried to   
be someone else, never tried to wear 'in' clothes, never tried to do anything that wasn't   
his style, because he was the headstrong, stubborn jerk as I had always known him.  
  
How I fell in love with such an incompetant fool, I'll never know. But whatever way  
I fell in love with him, I hope that he's thinking of me now. Are they worried? Yeah, they  
are. At least, T.K. would be. T.K., the brother I always knew, but never got the chance   
to spend time with. I loved him so much...but we couldn't see each other all that often. I  
hated it, but then I realized that T.K. didn't need me anymore, at least not as much. I had  
split up the team, but as they say, "Distance makes the heart grow fonder." I wonder if he  
took that to heart...but I guess there was no time to decide that. I didn't move for a   
little while, just thought of nothing but the other DigiDestineds' plight. Would they try   
and get me back? Yeah, of course. But if they didn't find me, what would they do? Would   
they just leave me to die?  
  
And most of all, would Tai leave me to die? Did he truly want me to leave? He had   
changed so much since he had moved to America. It wasn't even funny. His voice caught on   
little snatches of Japanese that he seemed to have forgotten, and there were a few syllables   
that he couldn't pronounce as fluently as he did before. But his English was perfect.   
Flawless. Even though he wasn't born there, he had no accent that I knew of, and could   
translate back and forth effortlessly, without a thought. These 2 languages came to him   
like nothing. He swallowed them like tough medicine that benefited him. He was the   
educated one of us, now. He had felt more isolation than any of us, and that had changed   
him in ways I couldn't even begin to describe. He was not as talkative, not as happy, but   
inside, there was still the old reluctant Tai, not agreeing to any compromise without a   
fight, not giving in without an argument, no surrendering until he had gotten a decent   
beating. He was the most impulsive boy/man I had ever met. And I would go to the ends of   
the Earth to make sure that never changed.   
  
Suddenly I felt a great weariness overcome me, covering me like a blanket. It   
surrounded me, not warmly, not coldly, but it was a comfort, and I leaned upon it, and   
promptly fell asleep.  
  
* dream *  
  
"Matt!", he cried, and threw his arms around him. The blonde fell back a few steps,  
but after a few moments a small smile crept upon his face. Gradually, slowly, he lifted his  
arms, and gently put them around the younger, and let the brunette sob into his arms.   
Roughly, the brunette nuzzled the boy's shirt a few times, soaking it with tears, but the   
older just looked down, and patted the head that held the goggles. The younger looked up   
for a moment, then let go, and they just stood, looking at each other, scrutinizing.   
Slowly, as if not to startle him, the older reached out a hand, a gesture of friendship.   
The younger looked at it a moment, then held it, testing it, seeing if it was real. When   
finally he judged that he would come to no harm by holding it, he jerked the arm in. The   
older was surprised by this, and caught his balance by catching hold of the younger's   
shoulder. He only had a few seconds to catch his breath when the younger leaned up and   
sealed his lips.  
  
What could he do? He leaned in and just let the feeling take over.  
  
It broke, after a few seconds. It was a plain kiss, not fancy, no bending down, no   
tiptoeing, no fancy stuff. It was just a kiss, a promise sealed.  
  
Then the brunette was gone, and Matt looked after his disappearing figure with a   
disappointed feeling in his stomach...  
  
* end dream *  
  
I woke up again, in the same darkness before. But now it felt...familiar, right. I  
was getting familiar with it. I didn't consider it a strange thing anymore. I had stayed   
in one place. I hadn't gone anywhere, and that was good. At least, I didn't know if I had   
moved at all. Slowly my senses sharpened, and I perceived the same feeling that I had   
before: the little "hands" that were becoming more routinely than uncomfortable. It was   
like being in a strange country, first being uncomfortable with another foreign language   
spoken around you, not understandable, everything strange and unfamiliar, but then, after a   
week, it became just a kind of lull around you. It just didn't matter anymore than it did,   
I thought. It was just the beginning of my stay here. It was a place of peace, eternally   
quiet, it seemed. It seemed that nothing could shatter this glass enclosure of silence. It  
was a meditative place, a place where I could think and sort my feelings out. After a few   
thoughts, I came to the conclusion that I liked the place. It had been extremely   
uncomfortable, but I liked it. It had been so darn quiet, but I got used to it. It was   
nice to be away from the bustle of the cities I performed in before, away from all the   
people and all the NOISE that I used to love. It was a change, but it showed me a new side   
to then humbleness of the other side of such incredibly loud noise. I had never realized   
before that the world was so loud: cars blaring horns and windows spewing rock music, people  
arguing, birds singing, papers rustling, trees moving in the wind, trash trucks rolling   
their wheels in a competition to see whose was louder, storage trucks on the freeway, fire   
crackling, cicadas chirping, bugs buzzing, 4Runners rumbling, earthquakes, TVs, radios...all  
of this was gone. There was only silence and my mind here, solitary. I couldn't hear   
anything, but I liked that. I was thinking a different way, a deeper way, where I actually   
had and took the time to read between the lines of all the actions that had happened so far   
in this blink-of-an-eye-moment in time. My life, in other words. There was nothing in this  
life that seemed to actually NEED examining, but I realized there was a lot that needed   
looking at.   
  
It was strange, how I got here, I thought with a smile. Why did I bother to save   
him? Why did I come to his rescue like some knight in shining armor, some prince ready to   
save his princess? Not to say, I thought with a snicker, he wasn't a girl in the first   
place. But that was beside the point, as I thought. He had needed help, and I had given it  
to him. But why? Was it because I was his friend? Why was I his friend in the first   
place?  
  
Oh Tai, my mind spoke aloud with self-pity evident in its voice, why didn't I   
tell you when I had the chance? But I knew the answer to that one as well. Somewhere   
along this road that was my life, someone had told me, "Love doesn't just leave a friendship  
be. It stretches it to the thinnest strings." I couldn't help but agree; what would happen  
if Tai really had said 'no'? Our friendship would have changed, perhaps it would have even   
been over. That would've been worse than if I hadn't said anything at all, just kept my   
feelings bottled up inside. People say that's bad for you, and it is. But if I had to say   
something about it, I would have just said that I would rather keep them bottled up than   
let the person know. And that's exactly what I did, except that one time that I told Izzy.   
That was uncalled for, but I suspect something was with Izzy when he was comforting me, just  
that look on his face. It seemed like he wanted to tell me something, but he had promised   
something someone else not to tell. As I laid on my bed that night, I had wondered what   
that meant. I had even thought it might've been that Tai had told him that he loved me...?   
But I shrugged it off. It was impossible! At least, it wasn't exactly impossible, but Tai,  
in love with me? It was highly unlikely. If he really did (that brought a warm, mushy   
feeling to gush through me), he hid it well. But once in a while, I would catch him looking  
at me. He would just watch me, his brown eyes intent on looking at me and nothing else,   
while I just looked at him from the corner of my eye. I always had my breath quicken at   
that, my hopes soar, only to plummet when the gaze turn away from me without a second   
glance. But I always thought...always thought...it might...no. It wasn't right if I got my  
hopes up just to have them shatter before my eyes when he told me no...  
  
No, I had finally decided. I wouldn't tell him. It wasn't right if I did. I   
wanted to keep this friendship that we have, this friendship that had evolved from rivalry,   
from competition against each other. I had always had a soft spot for him, even while we   
were trapped in the Digital World. Any other tormentor would have already been pinned to   
the ground, tackled, and beaten to a pulp, but him...he always seemed to elude me. I didn't  
know anything about him at the very first, and his confident attitude really pissed me off,   
but there was never a time where I could actually hit him, and actually feel good about it,   
like the bullies at school. THOSE idiots had learned to stay away from me, but him...he   
wasn't a bully, so I guess that contributed to part of my opinion towards him. The only   
time I had actually touched him, hurt him physically was when I couldn't control my temper   
anymore. That day was a nightmare for me. I had been confused by this sudden attraction   
towards his flippant attitude, this confidence that surprised me and awed me at the same   
time. It made me very annoyed to be so close to him, to be so damn attracted to him, and I   
hated it, but at the same time, I craved for his approval. I kept my defenses up, hoping   
that I could keep them up, and they hadn't failed me, so far.  
  
And still, I felt them crumbling slightly, bending slightly whenever he flashed a   
comrade's smile at me, that beautifully enticing smile, and when he flicked his hair out of   
his eyes, all of these movements and actions I wanted to see, wanted to touch and feel,   
wanted to experience. And when I did, I didn't regret it, but I kept my pretense up, my   
pretense of a cold façade of unfeeling-ness. Part of me had wanted to balk and told me that  
I should at least show SOME emotion, but I kept it up. I didn't show any at all. Yet, all   
of them passed my test; all of our little DigiDestined team could see through this mask of   
mine, and they could tell, I was a very vulnerable person.  
  
Yes, I just admitted I was vulnerable. Ironic, isn't it? That I should fall for   
one that I hated, but fell in love with. Stupid love. Stupid Matt.  
  
But when these memories entered my head, I could feel that dark uncomfortable   
feeling come up again, and I felt a tinge of sadness under it. I was sad, sad that I   
couldn't have told him before. Before I saw him on the roof, scared as ever, eyes wide,   
brown hair knocked more astray than it already was before, and looking so pale I could   
compare him with my wall. That image floated up to the top of my mind, and it was that time  
that I realized that I had loved him more than I realized, or why would I have summoned my   
Rei Ken and tried to hurt the man with it? H was worth so much more than me...he had a   
life, friends, family to return to. Not that I didn't, but him...I didn't want to spoil his  
already perfect life anymore than I already had. Constantly I had been pushed away, far,   
far away from those things I wanted to do, wanted to see, wanted to experience. Love...my   
love was unreturned. I wanted it returned. Family...I wanted that unity, that strong bond   
between mother, father and child...before the divorce, before the separation, that   
separation that tore a hole in my young heart.   
  
I could remember telling little T.K., now big strong Takeru, that Mom and Dad didn't  
love each other anymore. It crashed my heart, to hear T.K. start to cry, without any reason  
but the loud shouting outside of the door. Him wailing, and me comforting him, but it was   
no good. Mom and Dad just weren't going to come back together. And that was the end of   
that. I went with Dad, he went with Mom, but we never forgave ourselves totally for letting  
this happen. We took the blame on ourselves, but it had lulled to a lower place on our   
lists of things to do. There was more on our little minds than that.   
  
I wanted to be a singer. That was probably the only thing I ever accomplished. But  
that was over now, as well. Soon my CDs would be sitting on shelves, picking up dust, and I  
would still be here, thinking. About thing I could've done with this life of mine, as   
worthless as it is. I hated it, but at the same time, I craved for living. Without living,   
there wouldn't be Tai, or T.K., or our little DigiDestined group, and without them, I would   
be absolutely nothing. I'd rather be worthless than be nothing at all.   
  
Speaking of Tai, I began to check my injuries. I twisted my hands around, and   
concluded that I was hanging in midair, dangling ungainly with some sort of rope around my   
hands, which were tied over my hands. I lulled the pain a bit, and tried to touch the   
ground. I couldn't feel it. That could only mean that it was either a short way to the   
ground, or something close to infinite to the ground. If there was one, that is.  
  
But I was willing to take that chance. With a deft twist of my hands, I quickly   
let go and began to fall. It seemed eons before I felt the whistling start to slow, the   
darkness around me began to fade into black again without the stars that clouded my vision.   
I landed catlike on the floor, which I couldn't see, but I wasn't willing to wager that it   
was safe, so I stood still. I tried to look around, but again, there was nothing to be seen  
but the darkness, the blindness, swirling around me.  
  
"DO NOT TRY TO ESCAPE."  
  
I looked around in vain, trying to figure out where the voice had come from. I   
could sense nothing; it was like my senses had all been blinded, and I couldn't feel   
anything save the ground under my feet.  
  
"DO AS I SAY, AND YOU WILL NOT COME TO HARM."  
  
I didn't move. Just stayed there, looking up.  
  
"GO TO SLEEP."  
  
Now I was a little mad. NO ONE told me what to do. Including sleep. But still, I   
kept silent. This guy had the advantage.  
  
"NOW."  
  
I felt an even darker black cloud my senses, like they had all been covered with a   
stifling mask, and I couldn't breathe. Darkness suffocated me from all sides, and my hands   
flew up to my neck, as if trying to breathe, but nothing seemed to come in, no fresh air, no  
stale air, it seemed the world was still. The panic welled up in me, rising to the surface   
while I gasped, and then I felt it come in even closer, taking my air route away completely.  
I struggled for a little while, but then I let my hands drop to my sides, and unwillingly   
fell into a sleep, a sleep so deep that I could dream of nothing of blackness.  
  
It was the beginning of my insanity.  
  
/ \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \   
  
Author's note:  
  
Well, that's the 5th chapter. Glad I got it down. It's currently vacation time, so  
I have some good time to spend. Anyways, I'm camping, and it's almost time to roast marshmallows,   
so ja ne. I'm sorry if the time differences are hard to adjust; thing is, I don't want to   
bore people with idle talk of people wondering how Matt is doing, so I just cut out the   
parts between the vacations, while they have school, work, whatever. I don't want to   
describe routine, though it deserves some describing, but I want to describe stuff that's   
actually interesting, some action please.   
OK, even I must say that was weird. I think, well, you figure it out somehow, if it  
doesn't make sense, then just make it make sense in some weird way, but the main point is   
that Matt is still in love with Tai and thinks that Tai doesn't love him anymore. I will  
try and clear things up in the next chapter, which will be from some random point of view.  
This fanfic...I have no idea where it's going, but it kinda came to me in some old dream.   
Strange, dreamt of something to do with a glass wall with Tai on one side and Matt on the   
other, looking at each other, something like that. Well, I think this fanfic is weird, and  
probably the lot of you think the exact same as well. Thank you. By the way, I still (not  
hate) dislike my writing with a passion. Tell that to Siva_chan. Please.   
  
Andrea Weiling  
  
  



End file.
